Wednesday, December 19, 2007

...

In searching for a life,
He lost what he had...

In darkness, he saw light...
And in death he found a reason to live.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

In the long run...!

In probably the most strikingly simple, yet the truest statement which holds across all facets of everything, economist John Maynard Keynes puts across a statement -- "In the long run, we are all dead...!"

The first time I heard it, I wouldn't say life changed... views of it though changed...! I was, and still am pretty much a long-run guy! A believer in 'in-the-end' all shall be well! An 'optimist' who believes 'all's well that ends well...' and all the other phrases which basically deals with the 'long-run' thing and says it is for the good! Though, now I do feel the necessity to analyse with a certain amount of keen-ness the impact any action/ event would cause...

Long-run or short-term... who knows what is for the good?!

Friday, November 23, 2007

Smile

For every one made, I loose one...
For every one lost, I make one!

Either ways... I choose to smile!
Smile... all the while...!

Friday, November 16, 2007

Ways of Life...

Two lives that we live in ... Two ways that we follow ...
One that is yet to come... One that is no more ...
Both ways so utterly different... Beautiful on their own...

One we look forward to... And the other just a stain...
Pray for happiness... Try and forget the pain...
Would gladly smile at the pain i had... If ever the paths cross again!

The Defeatist...

Dream, Plan and Try ...
Don't talk of losing till you have lost ...

A good loser is not the one who smiles after losing, he is the one who gives it another attempt...

No one knows what they are capable of, until they do it...
If no one has done it before, what the hell are you waiting for...

You never lose in life, until you lose life itself...
Losers aim small and achieve them, fighters aim high and give it their best shot...

Monday, October 15, 2007

Mother

The first time I saw her, I knew she was special ...

She was a mother of three - triplets! As proud as the Queen, walking with her head so high up, not cared about the thorn in her way! They lived in a corner of the compund where my grandma used to stay. One look at the way they lived, I could say the mother never ate anything! But that was no reason her children will not be breast-fed! Let the whole world see; shame and embarresment is left for lesser mortals!

They didn't have a roof to live under, not a morsel to eat, no clothes to wear, no protection against the cold, rains; they just lived! I went near her children, beautiful babies, must be less than a month old, there was no sign, and didn't seem like there would be any, of their father! I saw their mother again, she didn't make a noise! Just the happy face, not smiling, but her eyes gave it all away! The triplets had cuddled themselves, one above the other - an arm here, a leg there, you could never say which one was whose!

Another look at her and I knew she hadn't eaten - for hours, days, weeks one could never say; certailny not from her face! But the body would suggest otherwise. She wasn't drained, but was certainly very weak, too weak to feed her cihldren! I ran out to get some food which she gladly accepted but not a word of thanks. I wondered if she were mute; but her eyes, the look was enough! She gobbled it all up. I went home, to leave her with her children, to feed her children!

I went home, had my lunch, took a nap and went out to have a look at the babies. I found them cuddled in the exact same manner; or was there an arm extra now.?! Anyways, I could feel them shiver now 'cos it had rained, they were soaking wet. I looked around for their mother, she wasn't in the vicinity. I took the kids home, and wiped them clean. By this time an aunt came around shouting already to get those 'things' out of the house, that it wasn't 'appropriate' during such times or some thing like that ... (*a pointer - the house was crowded with people to offer condolences, my gran'ma had just passed away*) ... so I obediently took them and left the 3 under a roof. I went ahead to attend to the 'duties'! I came back late in the evening to check on them. She was now there ... breast-feeding them! I left the scene and got her food, which was again gobbled up in no time. I bid them a silent good-night; a good-bye of sorts, because I wasn't to visit untill next Saturday!

Come next Saturday, I had forgotten all about them. It had bothered me a bit initially, the paradox called life. But the fact called work comfortably jerked me off any such philosophy! I had asked my mother last week, whether we could 'adopt' one of the kids, and well ...you know the answer was a sympathetic NO!

This time, as soon as i entered the house, my mom greeted me with another bad news ... one of the 3 had died ... a 'painless death' - she termed, because no one cried!

Mom had called in the medics earlier who said, 'If the infection has not spread, the kid will live!' Well, no one could stop it from spreading ... !!!

I was struck; wondered what would have happened to a life if we had 'adopted'. I ran outside, to see the other two cuddled up, as if they did not miss the third! The mother was saddened, she had lost the glow, her eyes drooped. I got her food. She had to feed the other two! The next day was a big day, for my family, a big Puja to be done and many 'condolences' expected. Wonder who would console the mother who had lost a child! I got busy again. Went back home late in the night. I was excused for the Puja next morning so i could get up late and all that. Well I did get up late ... too late ...

I rushed to my granny's place. People were waiting for me. I went, had food, some work here and there then sat down with a sigh of relief! I had checked in the morning, the 'remaining two' kids were still pretty much asleep. Their mother still sad. Didn't speak a word, not a noise, moan, groan ... nothing! Now that I was done with my work, went out again. This time the medics had come for the 'follow-up'! They went and checked the other two, their mother watched them with complete indifference and then walked away ...! Abinav!!! That was my name being called. I rushed in. My mother had fallen down, she got a bump in her head. My aunt freaked out. I asked her to calm down, by which time a dozen aunts had gathered with 'expert advice'. I knew I wouldn't be much help. I rushed outside. The mother hadn't returned. The two kids weren't there... The medics had a sack in their hand and the kids in them ... They found the other two kids dead too. Not even a change in expression as they said it. Must be used to it, i thought! I asked them to wait for their mother, they said she knew it and that the two had been dead for a day now ...

She entered the compound now, I was sitting on the stairs. She came directly to me. Sat down besides, and the first time I heard her ... it was a whine ...a short one ... then it continued ... no tears just moans. No words ... I patted her on her back trying to vainly console her. She let out a long whine, that brought an aunt out to see what was going on. I conveyed it to her. She immediately went in announcing it to all the ladies inside. My mother rushed out. She knew I would be there and I knew she would come. She gave me some money and asked me to get some food. I went out. The mother did not move. She was still letting out little groans and moans ... hardly audible...

I went to the shop nearby, bought a packet of Parle-G, her favorite, went in and fed her. She gobbled them as fast, with moans and groans in between. No tear yet. Then after the packet was done, she sniffed my hand, gave a little lick and walked away...

Do dogs have condolence ceremonies???

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Through the window...

Staring through, Naps and breeze
Afternoons, the 4 O Clock tea!

Lawns and birds, the green stretch
Water and fishes, summer time creche!

Mountains and hills, lakes to climb
Changing colors, all the time!

Cycles and races, holy places
Rains and frogs, cricket matches!

Winds and fallen trees, water everywhere
Splashing on the sill, but still I stare!

Nothings left, all got lost
All the water, birds and frost

Dug up, rods of iron
Steel and noise, the lashing sun!

Staring through, the barren
Plain stretch, brown mud-laden!

Saturday, March 31, 2007

It's Gone...

Look at it now...
And it is all gone!

Gone... as if it never were...
Falsified... slowly, gradually!

Just heavy hearts...
Trained, over and over again!

On purpose, gone...
Never to be seen ever!

A grain of hope...
That is all that remains!

That and the thought...
That brings a smile!

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Lost Another One...

Not that I keep a count, but when you know you are losing them, your mind takes over your senses! Approximately 30 close ones remained... I loved them all, equally! Off late... one of them pained me no end... you might find this weird... but I was especially fond of her. And it is no IQ achievement to know that the ones who are closest hurt you the most!

It was around a week now, and I couldn't stand it anymore... I have friends, many of them, but none like one Mr. Shetty to help me out in such matters close to my life! So, before I left for Singapore-Malaysia tour, I approached him, and like always... there was a solution ready! Get rid of her...

Now, it is more than 2 weeks... and today I have got rid of her... totally... I feel kind of numb, with no sensation ... no desire to eat.!

Shetty had told me this morning...

"It will take a day or two... the numbness should be gone within a couple of hours! Just take care... have plenty of ice-creams... that would cheer you up! No hot things for you... it doesn't help the mood. Just relax, hang out with your family! Talk a lot with your mom, that should help your tongue be in place! You remember the last time... you had lost two of your wisest ones... this remedy had worked."

"I know!", I said. "But that was different. They were recent developments... new ones. I could do without them! You konw this ones been with me all my life... I feel a void. While eating, food just doesn't go in! You must know, understand!"

"I know. I do understand. You can get a replacement. Just as good as the old one... just wait for a couple of months..."

"Ah!", I just waved him off... and walked home! Now, just 29 remain...

I really don't know if I can chew my food as well..., certainly not after having Lost Another TOOTH!!!

*ing -
Abinav Kumar.
Dr. Satyapal Shetty.
The dying tooth...one at the 3rd from left bottom position.
The set of 30 teeth (special appearance).

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

On a walk...

In stark contrast to the last two weekends of the past year, this New Year's first begun on a low... what with the 'most looked forward' trek not materialising at the eleventh hour, quite literally!

So, followed by a late night discussion with a friend, I allowed myself the extra bit of sleep that I considered 'much deserved' as I was otherwise deprived of the same during weekdays! 10.30 am was about the time when I woke up on that Saturday morning! Too bored to do anything, I stepped out of the house to withdraw some money for the weekend! A long line outside the ATM ensured that I take a walk...

Well, that was precisely what I did ... With music ringing in my ears, I moved towards a neighbouring college ground where I was sure to find people playing cricket! But, to exclaim classically, Alas! There was some stupid function going on with special parking lots for VIPs, VVIPs, and VVVIPs...!!! Anyway, this detour took me to the foothills of, well... a hill! Tekdi as the localites call it...

The 11 'o' clock heat did not deter me one bit... Stepped on and reached the top in no time... For the first time in months, I simply loved the sun! The heat beating on my back, and the scene as barren as it could get!

Wondering how you never feel lonely when you are all alone, I proceeded! Suddenly realizing the amount of silence around me... I let out a slight sigh! And then, I started to jog, then run and then sprint... no reason... just like that... and let me tell you all... it feels great! Much like when you are in a beach and you stand against the plunging waves... punching at it, shouting ... you know, you really don't have any reason! Much like that! Thus sprinting, I arrived at a small temple. There were seats nearby, where people flock at saner hours of the day! It was all empty... I took a seat! Listening to Rahman's Swades... such a pleasure! Just sat there listening to the song again and again and all over again...

'Yeh tara, woh tara...' was next on the list... now with this song, I went into a state of introspection (Yes, people! I do that little bit of self-look-up every now and then!). Not finding much there... I tried to come back... but you know how vanitised people can become... the next 20 mins. I just sat back and tried to bring things back into perspective! Basically summed up with a 'I am totally insignificant, and thank God for what I have..!' kinda thing... (thats how most of my self-lookups end, anyway... don't know why I do it... ;))!

Then, the roaming about started... I mean plain roaming... for about an hour or so... believe me, plain barren surroundings can be really beautiful... really really beautiful... cursed myself for not having picked up a cam... (as if I had planned the 'walk' in the first place...)! Felt really nice to be the only one around... I mean the ONLY one... Mom called, spoke to her for about 30 mins... She was alone at home... I reciprocated... she asked me if I would come over then... I would have, but for my friends from Bombay who were to come over that night! So, a general buck-up-mom talk and hung-up...

Then my walk back home! Never liked the 'Yun hi chala chal rahi...' from Swades better before... and the irony of the line 'rang pigalte hain nigahon mein' ('the colors melting in your eyes...') while all I could find in all directions (except right above!) was a light-shade of brown!